Let me preface this by saying that I really hope the following doesn't insult anyone. I know people share their stories [for the most part] to try and be helpful, not to cause harm...
Pregnancy is an interesting thing. It's obviously a product of the most intimate part of your life, but all of a sudden the mom's body and life become a very very public topic! Especially since I'm sharing my pregnancy on my blog, for anyone to see. The strange thing is how free strangers feel to share advice, horror stories, or condescending looks.
I don't want to go into details here, because that would be imposing my experience onto other ladies, but just remember that the vast majority of moms care very very deeply about their babies and would do nothing to harm them. If you see a pregnant lady drinking coffee, eating soft cheeses, enjoy a small glass of red wine late in pregnancy, etc...keep your thoughts to yourself. Chances are, this mom (like most!) is hyper aware of everything she is putting into her body, shares with and listens to her care provider, and is growing a very healthy little baby. Just because she's doing something different from what you would do/have done, it doesn't mean it's wrong. Keep in mind that there is literally an ENTIRE WORLD that births. Every culture has different ways of dealing with pregnancy and each of these cultures have healthy babies. Every single woman is different, and every pregnancy itself is a unique experience.
I've had two types of experiences with strangers (women) about the size of my body. One was trying to compliment me (I think...?) on how I looked, but was very upset that I was "smaller" than she was when she was 5.5 months pregnant. Another random lady made it very clear that I was "much much bigger" than she was at my stage, with a very smug look on her face. Guess what, ladies? I don't care! I really really don't. Baby and I are healthy, my midwife is happy with the weight I've gained, and it's not contest on who has the better figure! Also, if you don't have something encouraging to say, keep your mouth shut. Sorry if that sounds rude, but no expecting mom needs to hear the horrifying stories of the worst births you've heard of. Sure, births where everything went smoothly don't make for a good story, but detailed accounts of blood and gore are not nice.
Ok, sorry about my rant, I hope it doesn't sound rude or stand-off ish. It's just a very hurtful thing for a mother to hear it implied from someone that she's somehow putting her baby's life in danger, even when she is taking great care of him! I really enjoy talking to people about my baby, I don't mind in the slightest bit when friends comment on or touch my belly. I appreciate advice from other moms when we are discussing babies. I am truly enjoying my pregnancy, the good and the bad, and am trying to not let things get to me. Little JR Jr. is the best thing that could happen in our lives, and we are so full of love for him!!
On a lighter note: how funny is my shadow?! It makes me laugh for sure.
Dear JR Jr.,
Are you training for a triathlon in there? Your punches and kicks are growing stronger by the day, and sometimes I can feel you swimming across my belly like a little fishy!
We went to see your grandma (or "abuela", since you better start learning Spanish!) this week. She loves you so much, and bought you a few little adorable onesies. You were being pretty shy, and didn't really want to kick for her, though. I can't wait for you to meet all of your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins!
This week, I found some great vintage baby blankets for you. Daddy said I was like a momma bird, collecting little twigs for your nest. It's kind of true. I also found some cute fabric to sew you little burp cloths for when you puke all over us. I hope you like old things, because everything we have for you is from estate sales! :)
Love you, little guy.
Mommy
Your "JR" story made me laugh because, as you know, I live in Austin and have known a couple of JRs in my time...I always thought it was sort of a strange abbreviation though...haha.
ReplyDeleteAnd your rant does not make you sound stand-offish at all! (NOT speaking from experience here) Every pregnancy is different from what I've heard and seen. People are just always too willing to compare themselves to others.
And I dunno if you watch the office, but your whole pregnant lady drinking coffee thing reminded me of after Pam gives birth and her mom brings her coffee and Pam goes "Omg caffeine! I haven't had it in 9months!" and Jim gives a look to the camera like "yeah right" Okay, totally random but it had me laughing.
Ending the most epicly long comment I've left here. Have a good one lady! xx
You look gorgeous my dear. I'm proud of you for not letting other women influences you. I had the same. Women offered all there horror stories, disgusting details, and "sized me" up. I had "You must be having twins!?" ...and... "You better get the epidural!" You take it with a grain a salt, laugh about with your husband later. And you alwasy know best. I hope our boys can play togetehr someday :)
ReplyDeletehaha hang in there mommie! your gonna do great for your little junior, all that matters is that you know that! :)
ReplyDeleteI've got bad news for you. The intrusive comments don't stop once the baby is born. After I had my son I don't know how many women (and men) have had to put in their 2-cents about breast feeding, pacifiers, soap, food, shoes, and that my child should absolutely be wearing a hat right now!!! But, miraculously, as the baby grows the mommy begins to grow a much thicker skin for these things. :)
ReplyDeleteOk, but I do have to share a little something that a friend shared with me before my son was born. She said no matter how much you prepare for the arrival of your little baby, you can never be prepared for how much you will love him. *tear*
I so love your perspective. I announced to a small group of friends last weekend that we are past the 3-month point. Immediately one of them grabbed my belly and informed me that it is public domain now. I was a bit perplexed since it really is mostly belly (chub) and only a three-inch baby. Maybe public domain should come after five months? Also, the looks when I crack a beer! They are NA Becks you dorks. Really.
ReplyDeleteI just crack up at all of the questions too ... like, "so, are you going to have another one?" How the heck should I know? I don't know how this one turns out yet!!!
You have inspired me to blog again because it feels so good to get this out of my head and on the page.
PS. You look lovely ~ however much weight you've gained.
Annie, you look more lovely with every week that you are pregnant. You are a beautiful and thoughtful person, and are going to make such a wonderful Mommy to your little babe!
ReplyDeleteyour little bump is so adorable!
ReplyDeletemaybe we could meet up this week! i'm not sure what we could do but we can figure it out. food is always good.. :) i'm not busy wednesday or thursday.
let me know!
I think you look absolutely perfect Annie! Your pictures are beautiful and your letters to JR Jr (hehehe) are so sweet. You & Josh are already amazing parents. :) Don't let anybody bring ya down!!
ReplyDeletex
Michal
PS Shadow picture = best picture ever. :P
You are such a laid back mama, and such a delight to have around. It's nice to be friends with someone who doesn't take herself too seriously or get totally insulted by the bitchy folks out there. You, my dear, make being a mommy-to-be look so effortless and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI adore you and love your growing belly!
This is a great great great post. I wrote the word great three times. Your post is that great! I love your attitude and I love how you are taking everything in stride. I also loved the fact that you mentioned how people should keep their opinions to themselves, because each and every woman is unique with respect to their physical attributes and culture and they know what is best for themselves and their babies. Loved how you touched every topic seamlessly in this one post. You are an awesome writer. :)
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Deepti
I think that you look lovely, and I agree that it is best for people to keep negative opinions to themselves.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, one of the experiences of pregnancy is definitely the free public commentary. Sounds like you're handling it well. I'm challenging myself to use those comments as an opportunity to learn to be more gracious.
ReplyDeleteMy life, style and pregnancy Blog
Maybe you should just tattoo that on your belly!
ReplyDeleteYou look beautiful Annie. :> I was sort of shocked when I was pregnant with Peregrine and the checker at the store started telling me some birth horror story. Not. Helpful. At. All.
You're a great mama, and I'm so excited for you and Josh and little JR!
aww annie, you are a gorgeous mommy--don't ever doubt that! i don't understand why people think it's a contest anyway. that shadow photo is adorable! i love the color of your lace top :) i'm glad you and "JR jr" are doing well! i can't wait to see him!
ReplyDeleteJR! ha! that was the name of that guy on dallas...remember that show in the late 80s? (maybe i'm dating myself. although, you're not much younger than me.) anywho! you're fantistically radiant and lovely. thanks for sharing! and tell those haters to shush!
ReplyDeleteOh you should've seen the looks I got when I bought packs upon packs of beer for our tailgate party and carying it around in the store (this was when I was in my last trimester by the way so I looked about ready to pop carrying the booze around) LMAO.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with the lady/the other commenter who says that the intrusive comments will not end after the baby arrives, how there's always someone who just be giving the .2 cents and sometimes not too nicely, but oh well :p
Btw, totally agree with you, every pregnancy/birth story is different, I don't usually share mine unless someone ask for the gory details then hehehe, it's not my fault if I gross 'em out (j/k, it's really not that gross).
Btw, cute pic and love the JR story. You guys are adorable!
I really love your JR story! Good for Josh getting everyone to call him that! Sounds like something I would try to do.
ReplyDeleteCracks me up!
Bea from A plus B
Sorry about your "experiences!" I've never been pregnant, so I don't know how that feels, but it would upset me too. You look absolutely gorgeous in your pictures. I love the shadow :) haha!
ReplyDeleteThere is not a single rude thing in this post. I've just read it twice to make sure and...nope, nothing rude! You have every right to defend your own method of caring for the life that is growing inside you. As an intelligent, well informed woman, you get to make your own bloody decisions. And even if you were an unintelligent, badly informed woman, you'd STILL get to make your own decisions. That's the beauty of living in a liberal democracy. So, I agree that well (or not!) meaning people may shut their mouths.
ReplyDeleteI respect very much that you're sharing the story of Little JR with us and I'm so happy that I get to respond to that story, but that's where my (and anyone else's rights) end- response. I respond to what you say. I don't initiate my own statements and I don't randomly pop into your life and say, "Hey, stop eating that cheese!" That's unacceptable, if for no other reason than the fact that all babies deserve to love cheese, no matter what their stage of development! :)
This post makes me happy. You sound like a woman who is going to kick some butt as a mom.
PS- That is one lucky baby w his awesome estate sale loot!
I am almost 7 months along in my first pregnancy and only one person has said something kind of sideways to me about drinking coffee. Nothing yet on the eating soft cheeses, and enjoying small amounts of red wine, though lord knows I've been doing both of those too. Heck, I've even had raw fish! Sacre bleu!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's because I have tons of tattoos and they think I will beat them up if they criticize. But I definitely do feel the hairy eyeballs from time to time.
I just believe that both of our babies are going to turn out totally awesome. I just do!
As Emily (sartoriography) said, this post makes me very happy. You are so calm, together, and strong, and are clearly so ready for this next phase in your life. Little JR Jr. is a lucky man.
ReplyDeleteYou are looking more and more beautiful with each week, Annie! It amazes me how people think saying such things is even ok. It just seems so outright rude. It also seems like with each year comes something new that pregnant women are not allowed to have. I understand complying with dr's orders, but to indulge every once in awhile is not going to cause any harm! You're doing great!
ReplyDeletehello! i have been following your blog for a while now (albeit silently) but i thought I would comment now!
ReplyDeleteI am also pregnant, and nearly 27 weeks, with my first, who is a little boy, who wriggles around a lot.
after reading this post about how other women try and make you feel, i wanted to comment and say that i get the same thing. At the moment I work in a baby and children clothes shop, so i get to see and talk to a fair amount of pregnant women and mothers.
I know in myself that I have gained weight since being pregnant, but that's natural right? I hate being compared too, because some people think I'm quite big for the time I am, and others think I'm small. Every time I get told one thing I get paranoid that I'm doing things wrong and not the best for my baby. But at the end of the day I'm trying my best, the baby feels healthy and the midwife is happy with everything! so whilst some people think it may be helpful to share comments about size, i feel that sometimes people should mind their own business!
that's all for now!
p.s i also was amazed at how weird my shadow now looks, and couldn't believe that i may actually look like that!