8.25.2012

On Being a Servant



There are many ways in which being a mother has changed me- physically, mentally, and spiritually. Some ways I expected, and some I never saw coming. The greatest surprise change dawned on me last night, as I was repairing (for the hundredth time) Jacob's favorite truck book. Being a mother has taught me more about the joy of servanthood than I thought possible. I believe we are called by God to serve others and to do so with a joyful heart, but truthfully I thought it was just fine if I just lent someone a helping hand every now and then. Since Jacob was born, I have been a servant to him, with my body and mind, every single moment of every day. I am on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It's rare (though becoming more frequent, yay!) for me to have an uninterrupted night's sleep, and if he wakes, it's Go Time, whether I am ready to wake up or not. I may feel like having a leisurely morning, skipping breakfast in place of downing coffee while reading a book, but a hungry and growing boy needs a healthy breakfast made, stat.

The thing is, no matter how physically draining it is to be Jacob's mom (and it IS, he is a non-stop boy and Josh works long hours), I have found an unexpected joy in that exhaustion. I am happy to pick up his messes late at night- it brings a smile to my face to see how he's arranged his toys in his own specific way. I am glad to talk about the color of cement mixer trucks for the twentieth time that day, because there is a laugh each and every time. I am happy to fake-cuddle toilets at his request (weirdo!) because it brings him the most pure and sincere smile. I am honored that my tired arms are the ultimate source of comfort and security when he's upset or angry, to be shaping and molding and encouraging his personality to shine through.

I taped up the truck book when I wanted to be sleeping, knowing it would probably get ripped up again in a few days. I set it down on his reading rug with a happy heart, knowing it would put a smile on his face in the morning.

Sometimes I feel bombarded with messages of selfishness, of how I should do what I want to do and take care of my needs first and foremost, but I am learning every day to be humble with my time and energy. I love being a servant to my boy, and it's teaching me to be joyful in truly serving others.

// more motherhood posts here //

8 comments:

  1. I love reading your blog. This post especially touched my heart because I've been pondering this very thing recently. It's a hard thing to explain, how utterly lovely it is because there are days when it's equal parts exhausting and frustrating - yet still awesome. I honestly thought I was doing really well before kids, lending that helping hand and patting myself on the back (haha!) but man, God has used my kids to show me my own deficit. It's a good journey, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. how wonderful & beautiful! so exciting.

    ReplyDelete
  3. so beautiful! you always seem to be able to put into words exactly the way I feel and view motherhood! you are doing an amazing job and jacob is such a lucky little boy!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is the best, Annie! Love you all!

    ReplyDelete
  5. now i feel like a jerk. zoey woke up at 1 am this morning and it irritate me. irritate me because it had been a long weekend, i'm not feeling well and i NEEDED sleep. bu once the fuzzy sleepiness cleared from my head, i became irritated with myself - it's not her fault she has a stuffy nose and can't breath well! and what's more, she didn't want daddy, she only wanted me. how dare i be so selfish when this sweet little cranky thing just needed mommy to rock her back to sleep? and you're so right annie - i'm a mommy - it's my job to serve her. to make sure she's happy and comfortable. i love this post and i'll remember your thoughts the next time i'm feeling selfish. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's so so easy to feel frustrated when "my" plans are interrupted, or to lament that I don't have time for myself sometimes. I try to remind myself "I have ONE shot at shaping and molding this life. Who Jacob is and will be will largely depend on who I am as a mother." You're doing a great job with BOTH of your kids, theyre lucky to have you!

      Delete
  6. This is one of the most beautiful well written out posts on motherhood. I feel like my heart could relate, that it could repeat the words you just wrote out. I worked in full time ministry at a mega church in the DC area for 5+ years. I thought I knew what it meant to serve, I taught others how to serve, I served, worked and volunteered till I was literally falling into my bed from exhaustion from 80+ hour work/volunteer weeks. But like you said I never knew the true meaning of servanthood till I had Judah. Just yesterday I was kissing his sweet toddler and stinky feet thinking I wash these every single day. In the mornings when he wakes up and scream trucks, he doesn't understand that I would love five more mins of sleep. That I can't just let him roam around downstairs till Im feeling hungry, he can't skip lunch like I used to and I can't just "wing" dinner anymore. I have to serve him. I may not get anything in return and it may even be an extra hard day because Judah is cranky/teething or sick. But the Lord has placed him in my life to serve him. To love him and to do silly things to make this sweet boy laugh.

    I love that you hug toilets ;-)
    your post is such and encouragement
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Gorgeous, Annie. Nothing has taught me the joys of selflesness quite like motherhood, and quite honestly - it's a welcome reprieve. Who wants to think about themselves all the time ;)???

    ReplyDelete