On Being a Servant
There are many ways in which being a mother has changed me- physically, mentally, and spiritually. Some ways I expected, and some I never saw coming. The greatest surprise change dawned on me last night, as I was repairing (for the hundredth time) Jacob's favorite truck book. Being a mother has taught me more about the joy of servanthood than I thought possible. I believe we are called by God to serve others and to do so with a joyful heart, but truthfully I thought it was just fine if I just lent someone a helping hand every now and then. Since Jacob was born, I have been a servant to him, with my body and mind, every single moment of every day. I am on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It's rare (though becoming more frequent, yay!) for me to have an uninterrupted night's sleep, and if he wakes, it's Go Time, whether I am ready to wake up or not. I may feel like having a leisurely morning, skipping breakfast in place of downing coffee while reading a book, but a hungry and growing boy needs a healthy breakfast made, stat.
The thing is, no matter how physically draining it is to be Jacob's mom (and it IS, he is a non-stop boy and Josh works long hours), I have found an unexpected joy in that exhaustion. I am happy to pick up his messes late at night- it brings a smile to my face to see how he's arranged his toys in his own specific way. I am glad to talk about the color of cement mixer trucks for the twentieth time that day, because there is a laugh each and every time. I am happy to fake-cuddle toilets at his request (weirdo!) because it brings him the most pure and sincere smile. I am honored that my tired arms are the ultimate source of comfort and security when he's upset or angry, to be shaping and molding and encouraging his personality to shine through.
I taped up the truck book when I wanted to be sleeping, knowing it would probably get ripped up again in a few days. I set it down on his reading rug with a happy heart, knowing it would put a smile on his face in the morning.
Sometimes I feel bombarded with messages of selfishness, of how I should do what I want to do and take care of my needs first and foremost, but I am learning every day to be humble with my time and energy. I love being a servant to my boy, and it's teaching me to be joyful in truly serving others.
// more motherhood posts here //